Recently I saw an instagram post “Marvel doesn’t marvel like it marveled before”, and I completely agreed, so I’m using this as an opportunity to talk about why I didn’t like the last movie I saw.
Ok, so what’s the plot?
There’s a really weak dude who lost his daughter and everyone else, then proceeds to casually walk into an oasis and start eating fruits on the floor. Those fruits just so happen to belong to his ‘God’ (gosh why do they use this word so casually in movies nowadays). That fat dude in some golden jungle costume then starts trash-talking and then literally gets one-shotted by a guy who’s just picked up a sword. Then our villain dude just runs around slaughtering gods (?). Cool bro, 5 minutes in, that’s all the introduction you’re getting. Its so cliche at this point, lose a loved one and then seek vengeance and become evil.
Proceeding further, Thor gets into shape and takes ‘his’ crew for a vacation on a war inflicted planet. There he shows off a split and breaks the very thing the natives were fighting to protect. He picks up two goats for that and ditches his group.
The next part is just mental. His ex gets back with his ex-hammer, which was broken by his sister and magically fixed itself just because she came there (aight I guess that’s the explanation we’re getting ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ). Then Thor feels jealous and wants his ex hammer back, but then his current hammer starts acting salty and doesn’t like Thor’s behavior. Then he gets back with his ex. He also has an affair with Zeus’s thunderbolt which he stole after one-shooting the dude with his own weapon (Zues is also a chubby pretentious man btw). Then Thor loses his main hammer (storm breaker) to the big bad of the show, which will give him access to the power to kill all gods just by making a wish (?). Thor why didn’t you just get rid of Thanos that way? Its pretty simple dude, teleport there, open the gate and go make a wish…
If Mjonir and Storm Breaker were individuals instead of weapons that I really wouldn’t be able to differentiate between the movie and some 3rd rate romance and affair story.
Anyways, Thor magically gives random kids his powers out of nowhere and we see a girl with a teddy bear beating up monsters who Thor himself struggled with in the start. Then a 4th stage cancer patient (Thor’s ex - Jane) shows up to the fight and they break the sword giving Gorr (the villain) his powers. The dude is literally powerless now and Thor is supposed ot be a god, yet he does nothing to stop him from asking for his wish. Dude….were you even trying?
Guess what it comes down to at the end? Talking…
DUDE! WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE TALKED BEFORE HAVING 50 KIDS KIDNAPPED AND HAVING VALKYRIE STABBED? Anyways, now Jane Foster is dead, so is Gorr. Instead Thor has to adopt the daughter of the guy who tried to kill him 3 times…
Oh and the ending of the story is just magnificent. That toddler is now a child soldier fighting on different planets with Storm Breaker and Thor takes the smaller Hammer.
Message -
You’re gonna die single. Doesn’t matter if you’re Thor or Valkyrie, unless you’re a rock dude holding hands with another rock dude over a pool of lava to make a kid, you’re gonna die single.
They also killed a cancer patient, who couldn’t even be saved with God magic (what are you telling me here? What are normal people supposed to do now?)
This part really stung because Technoblade just passed away trying to fight cancer not too long ago, followed by an old friend who was a classmate from 4th till 8th in just the last week and my own aunt was also once diagnosed of cancer. Dude…what about their fight and struggle? The movie just goes - everyone dies eventually, do what you want until then - as the cancer patient avoids treatment and forcibly tries to be a super hero instead, only to die.
The only time I truly understood what the movie was getting at was when Peter Quinn Gives Thor a pep talk, but apart from that…what was happening the entire time?
I personally felt that the humor was just off balance the entire time, with terrible transitions to other emotions like grief or fear.
Extra Scenes -
This was the cherry on top. Zeus is half dying and talking to a hairy Arab sounding dude, looking like a shepherd, who is supposed to be Hercules. Zeus just asks him to go kill Thor now, so I guess that’s cool…
The Hercules from Disney would be ashamed of this new dude. Moreover, are we really out of villains to just bring in anyone from Mythology at this point?
In the end, if you want to watch a really terrible play in the middle of the movie mocking the previous Ragnarock movie, then I guess go watch it. Its just a weird relationship drama which promotes child soldiers at this point.
Comments
Post a Comment