?

 I have an unanswered question,

Not to say that there haven’t been answers, 

but, more that, no answer so far continues standing upon the onslaught of repeated thinking

Leaving all answers as mere attempts 

With the glass shoe never fitting quite as well as it should, 

Am I really in control?

Or am I being tossed by the circumstances, 

going through my own life as a mere actor 

The script being in someone else’s hand entirely

And my improvisations making little difference to the entire show

Who even am I at this point?

My birth,  my biology, my circumstances, what happens to me  - all out of my control

Just an inconsequential part of a greater whole, a spec?

As for my little illusion of freewill, 

where my brain chemically reacts to situations based on my past experiences not in my control  

‘That illusion’ could not stand the weathering of time and realization 

And yet some days, as this very spec 

I feel like an overflowing vessel of unused potential, not knowing which plant to water.

Indecision being the parasite of my influence 

Which perhaps might have led to something worthwhile 

When asked how I am

I cannot answer

I am suffering

But if I tell that to you, you’ll ask me why

And for the life of me, I cannot answer that either 

Life could be disastrously worse

Yet it could be miraculously better

And I don’t know where between these two extremes it really fits in 

So not knowing what to compare mine to, I really don’t know how my life is

The only answer I do know is

The earlier you accept the fact that life doesn’t make sense,

 the better off you are. 

Everyone in the world has a different understanding of the world and “what makes sense”,

 and everyone is wrong. 

For aren’t we all just a result of our distinct circumstances

And equally unnoticeable under the blue sky

Of the only thing I am certain is this

I came to this world crying,

 I don’t wanna gonna go out that way.

And yet what is certainty but a vague and hopeful belief 

And what even is hope?

Just a concept equal to giving up,

A word that holds no true meaning

But then again, does anything for that matter?