(Attempt number 4…I had no idea this blog stuff was going to be so annoying to be honest. I had already written 3 full fledged essays before this, answering the same question in different ways and I ended up scrapping them because after all the editing and final reading, it just felt like they were garbage. So this is my final attempt, whatever comes out, so be it.)
I have actually done a lot of overthinking on this topic, of what does it mean to be one’s self.
The phrase is thrown around pretty casually every now and then, whenever someone else’s behavior doesn’t match the expectations of the first person. In most conversations I have observed it usually means - stop worrying about people judging you and just be yourself, you have no need to alter your behavior due to others.
(We actually give ourselves a little too much importance and think that everyone is watching us and judging us, but that really isn’t the case. I think it’s called the spotlight effect…like because we’re the center of our world, we tend to think that we’re important and everyone is observing us at all times. The thing is, everyone is busy thinking about themselves as we all face this spotlight effect, so like we really don’t care if the other person has different socks on each foot or not…no one is really judging you 24/7 except you yourself)
While there is some good advice in it…I still disagree with it. Humans are social beings and we all want to be accepted by people around us, so I find it pretty normal for people to change their behavior in different situations. We really shouldn’t be telling the people who aren’t as good at acting to ‘be themselves’, because for the most part, the majority of the people are acting and being someone else they really aren’t. That too is completely normal.
So what does it truly mean to be one’s own self? It means coming to terms with your personality and flaws and embracing who you are and being yourself irrespective of people around you and what they might think. It is good advice in the sense that you don’t come off as fake and you stop worrying about what others may think and don’t let it negatively affect you.
But as great as that sounds, I disagree with it.
For one, I believe that we are constantly changing, so the ‘being yourself’ is changing too, and it may become really confusing. The last thing you want to do in an important social gathering is to start thinking about who you really are and how can you be yourself…
I have a different mantra I like to follow - be whoever you want to be. I’ve found it to be a lot easier to execute. Depending on the situation and the people around me, the person I want to portray myself as changes, and I try to be the person I want to be instead of who I may really be at that time. It may seem fake, but trust me its practical benefits outweigh that thought considerably.
For example, let’s say that I am an introvert in a formal social gathering where I don’t know anyone and really just want to run away because the people comparing with each other and judging each other is just way too toxic for my liking. I could do that…right? Running away seems like a good option…Except no, I decide that this is a useful opportunity, so let me try my best to go talk to people and try to come off as a really nice person, being confident and charming to whatever extent my acting allows. Maybe make a new friends, maybe make some strategic acquaintances, and maybe just get the attention of some important people in a positive way to advance my own interests. Now, I know that I am not this person, and this is a really draining persona I’ll have to put up for an event, but I know that that’s the person I want to be over here. So I go and try to be that person to the best of my acting ability. And when we fake it well, long enough, we start becoming like that in real life.
“Fake it till you make it…”
Second- now this is more of a personal point…
There’s a quote that I love -
“If you try to be like one person, everyone is gonna say that you’re the next who-so-ever, but if you run around ripping everyone off, people will call you original”
I don’t remember whose quote it is, or whether I am even quoting it right, but I’ve been living this before I even knew about the quote.
I’ve always tried to copy attractive or beneficial traits of people around me, and for the most part, it has worked really well for me. This has led me to believe that you don’t have to be yourself, IF you aren’t yet happy with who you are. Who you are can be changed, and I believe that we should all try to change who we are until we are satisfied or better yet, proud of who we are.
“Being yourself” sounds like resigning myself to being who I am at the moment…which really isn’t the case because I can keep changing and becoming whoever I want to be.
To conclude, my personal views on this topic are -
If people tell you to ‘be yourself’ often, maybe you just need to relax, others really aren’t judging you, they’ve got enough of their own problems to be thinking about. Please don’t behave in a particular way out of fear of being judged
If you’re being someone you aren’t by choice there is nothing wrong with it. Fake it till you make it. Become the person you would look up to, become the person you’d be proud of seeing in the mirror. Who you are is in your hands, if you’re not happy with the current picture on the canvas, then repaint it.
Well, that’s been it from my side. This was a lot shorter than my first 3 attempts (not like it isn’t long enough to scare someone off already…), but I’m done for now…
I’m still figuring out this blog stuff, so I could really do with some feedback. I hope that the next blog won’t be as exhausting as this and it won’t take me 6 hours per blog henceforth.
-Pratyush
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